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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25900636">Bear My Legacy</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/madamewriterofwrongs/pseuds/madamewriterofwrongs'>madamewriterofwrongs</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Tumblr Posts [8]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>9-1-1 (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Backstory, Buddie Ending, Character Study, Introspection, M/M, Minor Character Death, Originally Posted on Tumblr, Prompt Fill, Tumblr Prompt, Writing, signature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 12:20:42</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>4,353</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25900636</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/madamewriterofwrongs/pseuds/madamewriterofwrongs</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>All the times Buck and Eddie signed their names in adulthood. </p><p>Introspection with a Happy Ending.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Tumblr Posts [8]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1875451</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>116</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Bear My Legacy</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/tkreyesevandiaz/gifts">tkreyesevandiaz</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Originally a prompt for zeethebooknerd on tumblr: Fingertips smudged in blue ink.</p><p>Enjoy!</p><p>Check out my tumblr <a href="https://www.tumblr.com/blog/madamewriterofwrongs/blog/madamewriterofwrongs">madamewriterofwrongs</a></p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>2008</strong>
</p><p>His hands were steady as he bent over the recruitment table, sure in the path he was setting himself on. This was his decision, not his father’s. Shannon was proud of him; his parents were proud of him – he was proud of himself. Nothing could make him change his mind.</p><p>Then why did he hesitate over the final signature?</p><p>One last scrawl of his name and he would be a new Sixty-eight Whiskey recruit with the United States Armed Forces, with a career and a future serving his country and doing something of use – for once.</p><p>He couldn’t keep working for his father, long hours of travel, barked orders, and n real choice. Working with his hands was one thing, but this would be so much more.</p><p>He was going to make something of himself.</p><p>All he had to do was sign on the bottom line and his life would change forever. He thought of Shannon. They hadn’t been together long enough to know what time and distance would do to them, but he loved her; and she loved him. That would be enough.</p><p>He could do this.</p><p>He would do this.</p><p>He had to do this.</p><p>Eddie’s hands shook as his pen danced over his last key to freedom.</p><hr/><p>
  <strong>2010</strong>
</p><p>He had been staring at the page for hours. It was a good program – it should be for the amount of money his parents were paying (he could hear his mother’s voice echoing in his ears). He wanted to be here. Sure, he wasn’t overly enthusiastic about his field of study but it would open up a lot of doors if he could be at least a B student.</p><p>He wouldn’t have to live at home any more, that was a definite plus. There was a great love he had for his parents when he didn’t have to see them every day.</p><p>Distance makes the heart grow fonder.</p><p>Or forgetful.</p><p>Either way, this college would be the perfect opportunity to go out on his own and make something of himself. So what, if it was only a few hours away from home and his parents were paying for everything? He was still an independent person of independent means; he would finally have something to contribute. He’d be doing something of use – for once.</p><p>So what, if he hated the program? So what, if he was still staring at that map of the known world he got on his seventh grade trip to the museum?</p><p>This would be how he would make his mark on the world; it was his only option.</p><p>Buck placed his signature on the final page and handed the pile of forms back to the registration office.</p><hr/><p>
  <strong>2010</strong>
</p><p>Eddie had never felt so panicked in his entire life (apart from the time two months ago when he’d called his girlfriend in the middle of the night and asked her to marry him when he was in town on leave). That had been a different kind of panic.</p><p>The panic brought on from calling his parents the day before and telling them that Shannon was pregnant and he had no idea what to do. After a lot of cursing and a lot of lecturing, they told him that there was only one option available to him: marry the girl.</p><p>They never liked Shannon. They tolerated her – were polite to her whenever Eddie brought her around – but the sneer in his mother’s voice when she told him what an idiotic mistake he’d made, reminded him that this would be the only way his parents approved of him marrying his high school sweetheart.</p><p>He’d always thought he’d get around to marrying her eventually. Sure, they’d only dated for a few months in her last year of high school but that still counted as a teenage romance where he was from. It was romantic right?</p><p>And then she’d told him she was pregnant, and then he’d panicked and begged her to marry him.</p><p>And now they were walking down the aisle in front of their friends and family (who were available to fly out at a moment’s notice), saying their vows like they actually meant them.</p><p>To have and to hold, in sickness and in health, till death do us part.</p><p>Eddie smudged the ink of his signature as he marked the marriage certificate, a reminder of the familiar yet uncharted path his life was currently on.</p><hr/><p>
  <strong>2011</strong>
</p><p>Eddie never believed in love at first sight, but holding that little boy in his arms changed everything. Christopher Ramon Diaz, born 4lbs, 9oz. The doctors assured them that he was a little small but perfectly healthy and safe. That was all he needed to hear.</p><p>He hadn’t stopped smiling since they brought Shannon and Christopher to their room so mom and the baby could rest.</p><p><em>Mom</em>.</p><p>Shannon was a mother now. The mother of his child.</p><p>He was a father. How the hell was he going to be a dad when his own had kept him at a distance his entire life? Not that he blamed him – he was providing for his family – that’s what you do. That’s why he was serving out the rest of his tour and coming straight home to look for a job.</p><p>He hated that he wouldn’t get to spend more than a week with his wife (<em>the mother of his child</em>) and newborn son, but that was the deal he made:</p><p>Put food on the table, keep a roof over their heads, and you will be a family forever.</p><p>At least he was around long enough to sign his name on the dotted line, declaring this little boy his for anyone to see. Christopher looked so much like his mother, he prayed he wouldn’t stay away long enough to become a stranger in his eyes. He wanted every moment he could get.</p><p>Eddie was going to be a good father; he would fight for them, and when he came back, he would work a million jobs so he could keep their deal. So long as the two of them were happy, nothing else mattered.</p><hr/><p>
  <strong>2014</strong>
</p><p>Buck was floating, restless, in a sea of uncertainty. To be specific, he was floating in Moloaʻa Bay, just north of Kauaʻi, watching a group of men performing professional grade dives further out. They worked in sync but came up splashing and laughing, hearty laughs of grown men (not boys who had no idea what they were doing with their lives).</p><p>He’d spoken to them the night before when they stumbled into the bar he’d found himself sitting at most nights, striking up a conversation about how they all ended up on this island paradise.</p><p>He vaguely remembered coming up with some story about following a girl here only to have her ditch him for another man. It sounded better than telling them, he’d shown up at the airport in Seattle and asked for the cheapest, earliest flight and somehow ended up here.</p><p>Their story had been much more interesting anyways. Naval SEALS, honorable and strong. They were attending a conference by day (who got to go to a conference in Kauaʻi?) but the nights were all for them.</p><p>Buck blushed, remembering how bright the youngest one, Jacob, had smiled at him over their fifth shot of rum – or was it their eighth? Either way, they’d woken up tangled in each other’s arms somewhere around 6am, when Jake kicked him out so he could get ready for his meeting.</p><p>Now, he watched them all, wondering what it must be like to have that kind of comradery, that kind of purpose – that kind of freedom.</p><p>That night at the bar, Buck found Jake again and followed him back to his hotel room so he could register for their mailing list of interested applicants (he didn’t ask to stay).</p><p>The next time he was in Coronado, he’d have a new career opportunity and – hopefully – a new life.</p><hr/><p>
  <strong>2015</strong>
</p><p>Eddie hated his signature. On a good day, it was a series of loops strung together with an E and D sloppily thrown in.</p><p>On a bad day, it was the end of a long series of papers that meant he was being discharged from the army with honors. For being brave, he wouldn’t have to fight anymore.</p><p>He didn’t feel brave. He certainly didn’t feel like he was done fighting.</p><p>And yet here he was, standing in front of a General he’d never met, having to hide the tremor in his hand as he struggled to sign off on his emancipation from the only real thing he’d ever known.</p><p>He had a wife and a son back home who didn’t know him any more – it wasn’t a stretch to say he no longer knew himself. But they needed him. They needed his money and his leadership and he didn’t have much of either. He had no way of knowing what he was coming home to (and didn’t that just sting?). Having no idea what was going on with his own family because he was gone for too long. What good was he to them now that he was back, though? He still had months of recovery ahead of him, and a few scars that opened up into a chasm of nightmares every night. All he wanted to do was take a deep breath a scream.</p><p>But he couldn’t do that.</p><p>He could salute with his good hand, and thank the man for the box that said he was a hero, and go back to his family.</p><p>And keep trying to hold it together.</p><hr/><p>
  <strong>2016</strong>
</p><p>So being a SEAL hadn’t been the dream he imagined it to be. He still gained some valuable skills when it came to search and rescue, and combat. He also learned about the type of job he didn’t want to have.</p><p>He wanted the life they had on the brochure:</p><p>Help save lives.</p><p>Do some good.</p><p>Be a daredevil.</p><p>So they hadn’t said those exact words but that was the implication. It was <em>implied</em> that he’d get to be a badass rulebreaker with a heart of gold.</p><p>He shuffled out of the facility with a few new bruises and a new respect for being a decent human being for once.</p><p>Whether by coincidence of providence, he found himself wandering around the streets of Los Angeles nearly every night after he arrived, searching for some sort of sign that this was the place to be at this moment in time. If it wasn’t, he could always move on to the next place. But there was something about LA that felt right. Hot sun, hot people, lots of mischief and adventure.</p><p>A boy could become a man here.</p><p>He was stopped on the street as the fire station in front of him roared to life, and he watched through the window as men and women worked in tandem to load their gear and peel away from the hangar. 30 seconds of excitement suddenly left the building feeling empty enough for Buck to hear his own heart pick up.</p><p>Before he knew what he was doing, he walked up to the main door and rang the bell. A man in a uniformed t-shirt and pants answered, and invited him inside to tell him all about the exciting life as a Los Angeles Firefighter.</p><p>For the second time in his life, Buck left his name and number with a strange man, hoping this single interaction would change his life.</p><hr/><p>
  <strong>2017</strong>
</p><p>Eddie took a deep breath; not screaming, this time, but exhaling the last of his nerves. This felt right. This was his decision, not his father’s – in fact, his father had no qualms about showing his disapproval at his decision.</p><p>But it felt right.</p><p>Being a firefighter was a lot like combat (with an eighth of the on-the-job stressors). But he still got to help people – he could use his skills he’d learned in the army to save lives at home the way he hoped he was doing overseas. And he could come home to his son every night.</p><p>He would have come home to Shannon, too, if he could get her on the phone for more than a few minutes at a time.</p><p>He hadn’t spoken with her in over a year, now. She’d stopped answering so he’d stopped calling and only part of his heart was broken for knowing that she’d run away, too.</p><p>Even if it was just him and Christopher for a little while, it would be still be a blessing to go save the world and be back in time for dinner (usually).</p><p>He was so tired lately. Working three jobs left him no energy to be with his son and even less desire to argue with his parents over how to best raise him.</p><p>Christopher needed stability, so he’d give it to him. He’d become a firefighter for whoever would take this mess of a human being, and build the life for his son that he deserved – a happy one.</p><p>Even if he wondered twelve times a day if a happy life was really a life with him. Maybe Christopher would be better off with his parents. He barely knew the little boy sleeping in his own bed and not a crib.</p><p>
  <em>Isn’t that all the more reason to stay?</em>
</p><p>Before Eddie could second guess himself, he signed his name on the dotted line, and joined the row of recruits for the fire academy training.</p><hr/><p>
  <strong>2017</strong>
</p><p>As far as first dates went, this one was strangely not the worst. That had involved jumping out the second story window of an apartment complex because her “technically still my boyfriend” was coming through the front door.</p><p>He’d twisted his ankle when his leg got caught on the fire escape and the police were called – though, thankfully, no charges were laid. Incredibly painful, and incredibly embarrassing.</p><p>Waking up in the hospital after his girlfriend had performed an emergency tracheotomy, was a very close second.</p><p>Unlike that awful first date, though. Abby was still at his side when he woke up. He hadn’t realized how long it had been since he’d had someone to wake up next to – even if it was groggily coming off anesthesia after surgery.</p><p>It was nice.</p><p>She was nice.</p><p>God, he liked her so much. Why couldn’t the universe let him have one good date? He hadn’t had that many to begin with, was it so much to ask that things go right?</p><p>Abby was nice and smart and beautiful and liked him.</p><p>And she stayed.</p><p>She was at work when he signed himself out of the hospital but Bobby had been there, too, to drive him home since his car was still at the restaurant. They even went out for breakfast. That was new as well. Someone who willingly spent time with him and offered him advice and <em>cared</em> whether Buck took that advice.</p><p>He’d be lying if he said it wasn’t a little addictive:</p><p>Having people in his life who stayed.</p><hr/><p>
  <strong>2018</strong>
</p><p>Carla had to slap his hand during their tour of the school every time he tried to play with the lanyard around his neck. He managed to stop fidgeting after the first fifteen minutes, but the nerves never faded.</p><p>This was a huge risk. It was still early in the school year, but Christopher had just moved to LA. He had no friends, no social circle, no one outside of his family; and now Eddie wanted to move him to a highly specialized school.</p><p>What, just because it had small class sizes, and teachers who seemed to understand his son’s needs, and had incredible security measures, and was an opportunity for Christopher to get a better education than he had back in Texas, and it felt like a miracle that Carla convinced the school to see him on such short notice?</p><p>It was still an incredibly expensive miracle.</p><p>And there was the problem of getting a hold of Shannon. He’d told their lawyer when he was taking Christopher out of the state, and thankfully, her number hadn’t changed, but getting her to pick up the phone when he called his estranged wife had been an exercise in anxiety control.</p><p>If it meant that Christopher got the best care, nothing else mattered.</p><p>Even as his thought swam with a thousand unanswered questions (the loudest one being: what did that kiss in the parking lot mean for us?), Eddie’s hand was sure and still as he signed the registration form.</p><hr/><p>
  <strong>2019</strong>
</p><p>Maddie was back in his life. He’d almost lost Maddie a few months after getting her back, but now that wouldn’t be a problem anymore. She was safe, and she was home with him; he had his big sister once again and that was all he needed.</p><p>It didn’t stop the nightmares from bolting him awake, reminding him that he could die tomorrow and then she’d be left alone. Or she could leave again and then he’d be alone.</p><p>He didn’t want that: he didn’t want to be alone again. He liked the people in his life. Maddie, Bobby, the 118, Eddie, Christopher; they were people he wanted to keep safe.</p><p>But the dangers he needed to protect them from weren’t always solved with a giant water hose or an axe. For everything else, he called a lawyer and got some advice.</p><p>Maddie had been very understanding when he told her about the will he planned to change so she’d receive a larger piece of his assets. She was his sister, he was always going to leave something to her, but now that she was back, he wanted to know that she’d be happy here without him in this place he’d convinced her to settle.</p><p>Eddie had been less understanding; grateful, yes, but speechless as to why Buck would want to leave his colleague so much (it was mostly for Christopher, he explained, so that he’d could have something for his future if he lost his best buddy). That had still led to a lot of protesting – eventually broken up by a confused by thankful Shannon – but nothing was compared to Bobby.</p><p>Bobby who teared up when Buck explained that he didn’t have a lot of things in this world, but if anything happened to him, he wanted Bobby to have something to remember him by.</p><p>That hadn’t been a lie, but maybe not a whole truth.</p><p>He wanted to know that the people he loved most were never left alone even after he left them.</p><p>Was that so much to ask for?</p><hr/><p>
  <strong>2019</strong>
</p><p>Eddie hated funerals. He didn’t know a single person who enjoyed them; but he’d been to far too many in his short life to find any comfort in them.</p><p>They were burying his wife today.</p><p>She didn’t want to be his wife anymore but he hadn’t told anyone that. The shame that burned his throat when he thought of revealing that painful truth, was too sharp. He suffered in silence as he always had. It wasn’t just his own feelings he had to worry about; there was Christopher.</p><p>There was always Christopher – there would always be Christopher – he would never stop caring for his son as long as he lived (and probably long after as well). Because that’s what parents were supposed to do.</p><p>He found himself standing, poised with pen in hand over another piece of paper, frozen once again by his own indecision and fear.</p><p>What was he supposed to write in the book of her life? How was he meant to say goodbye to the only woman he’d ever loved? How could he close this chapter of his life with a flick of ink?</p><p>He couldn’t.</p><p>His eyes hooked onto his son’s back, sitting quietly beside his great grandmother, swinging his legs under the pews because he still wasn’t tall enough to touch the ground. He was so small; so young.</p><p>Christopher needed him to be strong; needed him to put it away so they could take care of each other.</p><p>Eddie signed the front page, and opened the book for the guests to sign.</p><hr/><p>
  <strong>2019</strong>
</p><p>When Buck woke up in the hospital this time, he saw an angel, and for a moment he was terrified; but then everything was at peace.</p><p>The moments after he felt peace, however, were agonizing and terrifying. The moments before hadn’t been a picnic either, but at least his memories of laying underneath a ladder truck and being pulled to safety were still a little hazy. He remembered a warm hand in his and a few words of encouragement and a lot of screaming, but not much else.</p><p>Now that he was awake, fear was quickly becoming his only focus. The fear of not knowing whether the surgery had been successful – not knowing if he’d ever work again or if he’d have to start his life over. The fear of whether he would be the same man if he ever could go back to work. So much was uncertain, that he clung to the tiniest bit of hope: Ali, Maddie, and Carla. The women who would stay by his side no matter what.</p><p>It took him four days before he had the strength to walk to the end of the hall, and finally, the doctor was satisfied that the was safe to go home. He had never been happier being wheeled out to his sister’s car, than the day he got to sign himself out of the hospital, knowing that everything would be back to normal.</p><hr/><p>
  <strong>2019</strong>
</p><p>Buck was man enough to admit that this punishment was nothing compared to what it could be. Three hours in the human resources office with Bobby, Chief Alonso and Alex, head of HR, signing his name to a million forms, could have been a lot worse.</p><p>Sure, his hand cramped about half an hour in, but it was worth it all if it meant he could finally go back to work.</p><p>It all seemed a little silly – not that he’d ever say that out loud. Buck had no intention of suing the city or the department (or Bobby) again. He’d meant what he said, though: he was a fighter. He’d fight for his job and his family however he could.</p><p>Sometimes he fought in really stupid ways that he didn’t realize were harmful until it was too late. But then he’d just have to fight to make up for those mistakes.</p><p>Buck was a fighter, plain and simple.</p><p>Tonight, he’d fight through hand cramps and eye fatigue. Tomorrow he’d fight for his friends’ trust.</p><p>And pray it was enough for them to let him come home.</p><hr/><p>
  <strong>2022</strong>
</p><p>There was one recorded day of history in which Eddie Diaz felt happier than he did today: the day his son was born.</p><p>Nothing else compared to that day, vowing his fealty to Christopher and whatever he needed.</p><p>Today was a pretty good day, though.</p><p>He was dressed a lot nicer, that was for certain – not that he didn’t love the sea green scrubs, but a fitted suit was much more comfortable.  </p><p>The company was also pretty good.</p><p>Christopher stood beside him in the mirror, adjusting his tie for the tenth time (even though Abuela told him to stop playing with it). He understood that the boy was nervous so he only smiled down at him and his slightly crooked tie.</p><p>There was a knock at the door and Eddie hurried to answer it, knowing exactly who would be on the other side.</p><p>Buck hadn’t stopped smiling since he arrived at the rental hall, taking all of Maddie’s teasing as she helped him dress for his big day. Nothing could dampen his mood; not the caterers calling in with last minute substitutions, not baby Gloria throwing up on Chimney all night, not a small tear in his suit jacket that neither of them could fix.</p><p>None of it mattered as he knocked on the door of the side room they’d set up.</p><p>Technically, he wasn’t supposed to see the groom before the wedding – but technically they weren’t supposed to sleep together the night before either, so one more break in tradition wouldn’t be the end of the world. Since the day they moved in together, Buck had never willingly spent a night away from their bed. Even on the nights when they were irreconcilably fighting, they’d sleep on opposite sides of the bed.</p><p>He was not about to sleep without his fiancé on the last night he got to call him his fiancé.</p><p>Eddie and Buck walked down the hallway to greet the officiant, Maddie waiting for them with two pens in hand.</p><p>This was it; the last step before they officially tied the knot. Everything after this was just icing on the cake (which reminded Buck, he needed to tell Eddie about the catering mishap <em>after</em> everything was sorted because he was more likely to panic). This was the moment where they would sign their names and be legally bound in the eyes of the world, as two people who wanted to spent their lives together.</p><p>Eddie was careful with his penmanship. His hands didn’t shake much – absolutely confident in this choice – but he wanted it to be perfect. This would be the last time he would sign his name on a piece of paper like this (and he wouldn’t sign his name on a book for others to impart their memories of his dearly departed for a very long time); so he savored every little detail as he lent his name to another cause he believed in wholeheartedly.</p><p>Buck laughed when he messed up the B in “Buckley” after spending hours for weeks on end, practicing his “Diaz”s. It turned into a strange series of vertical loops that someone could use in context to describe as a B, so he wasn’t too worried. In fact, he had no worries at all. Now, he had a happy memory attached to signing away his life to a man he hoped to know better with every passing day.</p>
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